areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
