I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
