I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
