where am i from again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We are all done wearing pants today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
