I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
