Pants 0. Shit 1.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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