Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
