Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
