I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
