he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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