I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
