im drinking this country out of the recession.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
