google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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