Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
