sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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