it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
