..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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