a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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