im six kinds of drunk right now
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
