i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
