New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
