I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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