I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
