We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
