Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
