11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
