I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You are a genius and a whore.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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