So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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