I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
