my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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