your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
