hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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