Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We need to get me chipped asap
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
