We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
