i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want nice things and good sex
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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