She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
