You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
