so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
