Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I will pee on everything he values.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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