Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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