i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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