im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
