he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
