so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
