This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
