My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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