My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
