does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
