Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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