u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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