I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
