My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
