dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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