like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
