bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
