I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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