I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
