apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
